hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
