I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
please don't ironically join a cult
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