I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
