i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
