That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
