The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
