Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
