If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
