it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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