The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
