My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
