jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
