We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How external is "for external use only"?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
