Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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