i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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