I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
