Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck appropriateness.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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