I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
