yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
