I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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