i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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