So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
