I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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