looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
