when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
