You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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