WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
