The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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