Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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