I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
