Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
