wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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