She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
