So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
