Got a toothbrush?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
