you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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