just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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