go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
