I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
