I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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