I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
