ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
