pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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