drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
