I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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