Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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