living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
