i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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