Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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