you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
