In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
