do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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