doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cannot find my penis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
